So we are on week 2 of my crash course in all things networking and relationship building.

Last week I covered the 8 biggest networking mistakes people make, and this week we are moving on to mistakes that people make when they are supposed to be building lasting and meaningful relationships.

So you have done the networking, now the real work starts!

Actually I shouldn’t use the word ‘done’ because with networking you are NEVER done. It needs to become a part of your life. A permanent activity. Constantly meeting new people and growing your contacts.

So where do people go wrong when they are trying to build and further relationships?

Whilst we are talking about business relationships here, ultimately all relationships are personal, so these mistakes are universal. And the way to build great relationships is universal too. So pay attention to this if you are struggling at home. (Although my Mrs would say I don’t know the first thing about relationships! Luckily I can tell her my bank balance tells a different story!)

So, in no particular order:

1. Not Devoting Time To Building Relationships

In last week’s newsletter I talked about how I spend about 40% of my time networking, and that that meant using that time for both meeting new people and building & nurturing existing relationships.

Building great business relationships takes time. It’s no different to relationships with friends or romantic partners. You can’t expect to meet someone, forget about them for weeks, send the odd text, and then expect to have an amazing and fruitful relationship. 

You want great relationships? Then carve out a BIG chunk of time from your diary to build them - because you’re going to need it!

2. Talking Too Much, Listening Too Little

There is an expression that goes something along the lines of ‘You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. Use them in that proportion!’

Whether you are at the beginning of a relationship or deep in to it, no one wants a jabbering know-it-all, who doesn’t listen, talks only about themselves and interrupts constantly.

Not only is it annoying as fuck to be on the other end of it, apart from the fact that you will fail in relationship building, you will also never learn anything if you’re aren’t paying attention and listening to those around you.

Find the perfect balance between bringing great chat to the conversation and zipping it when necessary!

3. Lacking Genuine Interest

Great business relationships become great personal relationships, so if you aren’t genuinely interested in the other person it will never work.

You have something in common with everyone, and you just need to find that thing with each person you are relationship building with.

It may be nothing to do with work, or the reason you met. It could be sport. It could be travel. It could be family.

Find it and use it. It is the cornerstone of your future success.

4. Not Giving Before They Expect To Receive 

I wrote last week about how you will NEVER do business or make money out of some of the relationships you make - probably most of them in fact.

You will make great friends. Have great times. Maybe meet other great connections through them. But you will never make money.

So if you expect to get something before you have put something in, then you are destined to failure.

Think of relationship building like an ATM. If you haven’t been making deposits then there will be nothing to draw out. And the more you deposit, the more you will have to draw out.

But sometimes the ATM is broken and you can’t draw anything out. That’s just life. But it doesn’t mean you should stop depositing.

(I’m not sure the last bit of that analogy works but I’m sure you get the point!)

Giving isn’t just about money and buying things. Give time. Give advice. Give support. Give ideas. Give connections.

But just make sure you GIVE, GIVE, GIVE.

Just like in the bedroom, if you want to have the best time and have your partner tell their friends how amazing you are, you’ve got to be a giver! 

5. Not Following Through on Commitments

Nothing kills credibility and the chance of a strong future relationship than failing to deliver on your promises.

If you say you are going to do something then do it.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Relationships are built on trust, so make sure you are good to your word. Don’t be a bullshitter. If you can’t do something then just say so. No one will mind. But if you do commit to something then they will expect you to deliver on it.

6. Being Too Pushy

As we are always taught nowadays, ‘No, means no’! 

Well maybe in the business context you don’t need to take a first no as a final answer, but you do need to known how to read the room.

There is a fine line between strongly believing in your product and being so pushy that you turn people off.

There is a time and place for everything, but you need to be sure you know what and when that is. You should be able to read when someone wants to talk further about something, or move towards being a buyer.

In the meantime, shut up, and just provide value!

7. Neglecting Relationships

If you neglect someone then the relationship isn’t really a relationship. At best it is a loose acquaintance but in reality it will become nothing more than a name in your phonebook without any depth to the relationship. 

That doesn’t mean you have to invite everyone to dinner twice a week and spend an hour a day on the phone with them! But you do need to find a way of categorising your contacts and putting in the required amount of effort for each one.

That’s going to differ from person to person, but the general strategy will consist of a combination of text messages, phone calls, invitations to meet & do something together and social media interactions.

The key is to understand what is the right combination for each individual. You don’t want to be a pain in the ass blowing up someone's phone, but at the same time you can’t ignore someone for 4 years and then call for a favour with high expectations.

There is no 1 size fits all, you just have to get comfortable with what FEELS right.

8. Not Being Transparent 

There is nothing worse than disingenuous and fake people.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get business out of a relationship, but always be clear about your intentions.

I truly build all my relationships based on genuinely liking the person I am building it with and wanting to know them for many years to come. If nothing financial ever comes out of that relationship then it isn’t an issue because they are a great person I want in my circle.

But I am a hungry entrepreneur and if there is a chance to transact or make a profit then I am going to take it. But I will always be clear and honest about it.

What I will never do is pretend to like someone that I don’t. Pretend to someone that we are friends when we aren’t. And then sneak a work opportunity in whilst pretending the relationship is something else.

When I invite a potential investor on my yacht for the day with his family then it is simply that. A family day out where we all hang out and get to know each other. If there is a natural opportunity to discuss mutually beneficial work, then fantastic. But I would never pretend to invite them on a family day, then spend 8 hours pitching them on my latest deal whilst they are desperate to swim to shore!

I wrote this in the context of building great relationships for your business, but relationship building is relationships building. Business. Romantic. Social. It’s all the same.

If you avoid these mistakes and follow my rules then you can’t fail to have a life full of incredible people.

They will improve you social life. They could become you future lover. They will SUPERCHARGE your business!

And when you understand all this it will just snowball. The way to behave will become totally natural and you will effortless be known as a power networker and a super connecter.

Next week’s newsletter will be the final one before my networking talk in Dubai. So reply to this email and tell me what you want me to talk about next week. 1 more week of networking super hacks? Or is it time to move on to how to raise finance for your business? Or maybe you want something completely different.

If you don’t ask then you don’t get! 

See you next week.

Exciting news! The recent episode of The Alpha Talks featuring me is now live, and it's an absolute game-changer.

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Why have I harped on about networking for the past two weeks, you ask? Well, it's more than a casual chat, and the depths of networking go way beyond 2 newsletters. Let me tell you, building those connections is not just a side hustle; it's a BIG deal. It's also my most asked question. Networking is the cornerstone of success, the secret that propels you forward in both business and life. In every handshake, in every conversation, lies the potential to unlock doors to opportunities you never thought possible. So, you might wonder why I keep banging on about it? Well, trust me, it's not just kind of a big deal; it's the lifeline of achievement. Whether you're after wisdom, collaborations, or game-changing moments, networking is your golden ticket! So, put yourself out there— you've really got nothing to lose.

Here’s HOW TO do it (and NOT do it) properly….

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