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4 Tips to Avoid Getting Trapped by the Abilene Paradox 

Have you ever found yourself working on a project that everybody hates but nobody actually opposes? Or involved in a failing project that no one dares to criticise? We’ve all experienced this at some point, whether you’re a successful CEO,a Gen-Z kicking off a side hustle, or a stay at home mum trying to organise school holidays.

This is a scenario so common that it has its own name. You are suffering The Abilene Paradox. 

The Abilene Paradox is a term used to describe a situation where a group of people collectively agree on something that goes against each individual’s true feelings and preferences. It's named after a story by management expert Jerry B. Harvey.

Here’s how the story goes. A family in Texas is playing a game of dominoes on the porch when the father-in-law suggests they all head over to Abilene for dinner, 53 miles away. The family agrees, even though they all secretly hate the idea and would prefer to stay home. 

They pile into the car, endure a miserable ride, eat a forgettable dinner, and drive back home, shattered and sweaty. Later, they realise that none of them actually wanted to go - they each thought the others were keen on the idea and didn’t want to let them down. 

They assumed rather than asked, and ended up wasting a perfectly good afternoon.

While many of us would like to think we’ve got the gumption to always stand our ground, reality is quite different. Saying yes to a family dinner you’re not fussed on is one thing, but this paradox plays out in businesses all of the time - usually to everyone's detriment! 

Here’s how it might look in a more casual business setting. 

Picture this: your team is considering a risky project. The data doesn’t really support it, but nods around the room signal a go-ahead. Why? Because everyone mistakenly assumes that their colleagues see a benefit they don’t, that they must know better. 

Alternatively, imagine you’re in a sales meeting and your manager says you’ll be doubling down on a strategy that has been underperforming all year. Deep down, your gut tells you it’s a bad idea, but you see your team nodding along and you nod along with them, assuming they must see something you don’t. 

Two months later, sales are still in the shitter, and your colleagues admit they also felt the strategy was a bad idea, they just didn’t want to say anything. 

If you stay silent in favour of the group decision, you've just booked a trip to Abilene, the business is heading into a hole, and you’ve missed a massive opportunity to prove yourself. 

Understanding the Abilene Paradox 

On one level, the Abilene Paradox is a breakdown in communication. You misread the room to think that everyone is on the same page except you.

The real culprits though are conformity and risk aversion. 

Studies have shown that people choose conformity over speaking their true feelings 75% of the time. 

This was first proven in 1951, when a psychologist named Solomon Asch invited 123 participants into a lecture hall for a so-called ‘vision test’. The task involved matching one line to another of the same length.  

Easy enough, right?

Most participants were actors in the experiment, instructed to give incorrect answers. After seeing their responses, the real participants also gave the wrong answer, even though there was no ambiguity in the question. 

In fact, they gave an obviously wrong answer 3 in 4 times.

There are two reasons for this. Firstly, they wanted to fit in with everyone else, and secondly, they assumed the group must know something they don’t.

It’s the latter part of this explanation - the self-doubt - that’s the most damaging.

Translated into business practices, undercutting your own ideas to appease the group is a one-way ticket to failure. Being able to vouch for your own ideas is a central tenet of leadership, and playing it safe can be one of the riskiest business decisions you can take. 

How to break out of the cycle 

Nobody wants to go to Abilene (in business, at least…). It’s not always easy to speak up for what you believe in, but it’s essential if you want to succeed on all fronts: business, relationships and life.  

These four tips will help you break free of the cycle of miscommunication and empower your team to new heights. 

#1 Encourage open dialogue and communication 

Let’s cut the corporate BS - if your team can’t talk openly about what’s bugging them or about what interests them, you’re flying blind.

If you’re a business leader, encourage your team to speak their minds without beating around the bush. You set the tone here, and it’s down to you to make your meetings a no bullshit zone where honestly isn’t just appreciated but expected. 

If you’re further down on the corporate ladder, the same applies. Speak your mind and you’ll be surprised at how many others will do the same. 

Remember that good ideas die in silence, but bad ones fester in it.  

#2 Play devil’s advocate 

Stir the pot on purpose. When it comes to group decision-making, it’s always insightful (and fun!) to assign someone the role of the devil’s advocate. Regardless of what the topic is, their job is to poke holes in the plan, challenge the prevailing winds, and bring up worst-case scenarios. A professional pessimist, so to speak! 

You’ll be surprised at how the challenge will refine your ideas, saving you a few nasty headaches down the road. 

#3 Anonymous voting on decisions 

It doesn’t matter how much you encourage openness, there will always be a few people on the team who can’t shrug off their reservations. They may lack the confidence to voice their ideas, or they may simply be too tired to deal with the consequences of upsetting the apple cart on that particular day. 

An anonymous voting mechanism can help you squeeze honesty from your team, whether it’s on a digital platform or a good-old-fashion paper ballot box. 

This way, you’ll get the raw info you need without any weird side-eyes from across the room. 

#4 Normalise changing your mind based on new information 

We all know that one person who used to be a passionate vegan but changed their minds when they realised that vitamin B12 genuinely is essential for brain functioning. It’s not flip-flopping, it’s simply changing your mind based on new information, and this is an essential skill in business. 

Keep your ego in check and admit when a direction isn’t working, or when a new path of least resistance opens up. 

New information will always bubble up, so when it does, you need to be ready to pounce on it and formulate a new strategy. 

It’s not admitting defeat, it’s being a leader. 

Final thoughts 

The Abilene Paradox is an important lesson in business. It teaches us that better decisions can be made one honest conversation at a time.

If you’re a leader in any capacity, it’s down to you to foster an environment where ideas are regularly prodded and poked, and where team members can voice their concerns without fear. 

After all, the risk of speaking up to challenge the group is nothing compared to the consequences of going along with a bad plan. 

And as the wise philosopher Kanye West once said: it’s better to be a dick than a swallower. 

Knowledge is power, we've heard that before. But learning? That's not just power, it's superpower territory! Think about it: anyone can know stuff, but those who embrace learning? They're the ones with the capability to leap tall obstacles and WIN. Think about this: According to Harvard Business, only 10% of the population have a LEARNING MINDSET. That means 90% of the population gave up on learning when they left school. They've given up on tapping into that superpower Jim's talking about.

This is what I think:

As we cruise past the 30% mark of the year, it's time to take stock. Are you feeling a bit off-track, like you're not quite hitting those targets you set for yourself? Maybe you're questioning if you're making the right moves to push your business forward.

Let me remind you of something crucial: in the world of business, there's a golden rule - "If you're not growing, you're shrinking." It's like riding a bike- stop pedalling, and you start wobbling. Whether you've hit the milestone of £100k, £1 million, or even £10 million, there's no coasting allowed. It's all about keeping that growth engine revved up.

Think of your targets as checkpoints on a your journey to the top. Each one brings you closer to your ultimate destination of success. And you know what? It's okay if we haven't hit every mark just yet. What matters is that you keep pushing forward, learning from experiences, and adapting strategies along the way.

BUT, if you're feeling stuck and need my help, advice, or want to pick my brain about my pitfalls and how I overcame challenges, let's connect. My promise to you is complete honesty. Transparency is my policy; I don't sugar-coat anything and will help you fix or propel your business. Book a 1:1 session with me via the link below and I’ll help fix your problem.

Don't miss this week's episode featuring Johnny Fisher, the undefeated heavyweight boxer with a knockout punch. Join me as I delve into his journey from humble beginnings to the bright lights of the ring, discussing the parallels between rugby and boxing, the mental challenges of the sport, handling social media criticism, and much more. Tune in to discover what it takes to be a heavyweight contender!

Catch up now, listen here or watch below!